Sunday, November 25, 2012

Porn is just a substitute for God

This article both amused and annoyed me. Full disclosure: This kind of thing tends to get my back up because I'm a writer of erotic romance (better written than 50 Shades, in my humble opinion, but alas, with slightly fewer sales:-). I admit I'm not a 50 Shades fan, but more because I don't care for the submissive young woman angle than because I have any objection to sexytimes.

The basic premise of the article is that when we read erotica, we're not really looking for sexual titillation, but rather a closer relationship with God. The author says, "We are both spiritual and sexual beings. And behind every sexual longing, I believe there’s an even deeper spiritual longing." She also cites familiar fundamentalist ideas: "... when we divorce physical pleasure from emotional connection, such as when we selfishly strive for orgasm through pornography, masturbation or illicit sexual encounters rather than cultivating sexual ecstasy with our marriage partner, sexual ecstasy is only 'half-baked.'" She states that she doesn't believe fantasy is evil, but the use of the word "selfish" clearly indicates that she wants to steer people away from reading erotica.  Perhaps it's not evil, but she obviously thinks it's wrong.

Are humans really "both spiritual and sexual beings"? Or are we simply evolved to enjoy sex because otherwise we wouldn't reproduce? If the latter is the case, then maybe we should learn not to think of erotica and masturbation as "selfish" and sinful, but simply as pleasant and natural human interests.

I admit to feeling dismay that this person describes herself as an "advocate for healthy sexuality and spirituality." I really dislike "experts" who go around telling people that masturbation and erotica are "selfish" and wrong, and that the only true path to sexual fulfillment is via marriage (and probably only the heterosexual variety, at that). Making people feel guilty about their normal sexual impulses leads to all sorts of bad outcomes, and in my view is far worse than reading erotica and enjoying it. "Healthy sexuality" includes masturbation, pornography, erotica, and all sorts of other things that would probably make this woman's hair curl.

In any event, when I write an erotic romance, I really don't believe I'm sublimating a desire to grow closer to a nonexistent deity. I write about sex because I like sex. I imagine my readers read my books because they like sex. There is nothing wrong or selfish with this, and it doesn't show a deeper longing for "spiritual" contact. It simply means that humans like sex, just as they are evolved to do.

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